Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Mirror, Mirror

I am not a fan of Elisabeth Hasselbeck. At all. In fact, to use an old Texas saying, the girl really "chaps my hide." When I was in grad. school, I used to watch The View, and she is the reason I quit watching. I mean, she was great on The Look for Less, where the only opinions she offered had to do with the cut or color of a dress, but I cannot stomach her silly political comments, interjected in that nasal tone of hers, for even a second. I'm all for balanced journalism, but Hasselbeck's entire demeanor is extremely abrasive and annoying. And who brings a newborn on a national talk show, for heaven's sake?

It's not so much her conservatism that bothers me, but the way she presents her "views" to the other hosts and guests, that gets on my last nerve. Hasselbeck is one girl always looking for a fight. And don't get me started on the whole Rosie debacle. Hasselbeck and I part ways politically, and I am especially troubled by some of her comments regarding reproductive rights for women. I respect her views (really I do), but she often seems to speak without thinking. Or maybe she has thought, and that's what really terrifies me.

I remember one specific episode, while she was pregnant the first time, and the ladies were discussing ways that a man can please a woman. Now, without getting too graphic, someone mentioned whether or not you should just give specific instructions to your male partner. Hasselbeck, obviously pregnant, chimed in something to the effect of, "I don't think you should be too hard on him. I mean, I don't even know what's going on down there."

Wait, are you for real? You are pregnant and you don't know what's going on down there?

At this point, Joy Behar brought up the issue of exploring your girlie parts with a hand mirror (remember the scene in Fried Green Tomatoes?) and little old Hasselbeck had never done it. Now, I was raised in Texas, in a born-again-Christian family. I wore white on my wedding day, if you know what I mean, and married the only man I've ever kissed. Yet even I have used a hand mirror on occasion, just to make sure all is right with my world. In fact, I'm pretty sure my mom, the sweet Southern belle that she is, actually told me to do it, and probably handed me the mirror herself.

I simply cannot trust a woman who has never gone there. She does not know of what she speaks.

Anyway, it was with great enjoyment that I watched a clip of Hasselbeck, from today's show, complaining about an incident that occurred as she voted in New York this morning. Apparently, she stopped by her voting precinct after a morning jog (so I'm assuming she was less recognizable), and, due to a mix-up with her address, was given a paper ballot. When Hasselbeck attempted to cast her vote, she realized that she'd been handed a Democratic ticket! So, in true Elisabeth Hasselbeck form, she marched back to the registration table and informed them that she was, in fact, a "Registered Republican." The woman quickly apologized and produced a Republican ballot, yet the damage had already been done.

How dare anyone mistake a young, blond, jogging, NYC-dwelling Republican for a Democrat! The nerve!

Now, I am not one to laugh at the misfortune of others (seriously, I'm not), and bless her heart for voting. But I get endless amounts of joy from knowing that A) Hasselbeck was actually mistaken for a Democrat in the first place, and B) she got her panties in a big old wad because of it.

Now, all she needs is a hand mirror.